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This is truly an inspiring book. I have tried some Of these things with my husband, they work. The one I like best is What ever you think...And I am sure you will make the right decision. This had been somewhat hard for me to do. It has been rewarding for me , to keep my mouth shut. lol
A man with an addiction to a substance such as alcohol or drugs, or to an activity such as gambling, cannot be trusted. I can offer little hope of intimacy in this situation, as he will always serve his addiction ahead of your safety and happiness. As you already know, arguing with your husband can have a negative effect on the entire family. Even pre-verbal babies tune into their parents' tone and react with howls of unhappiness. Certainly older children react with fear and anger when the tension is high. It's safe to say, therefore, that the cost of engaging in a fight with your man is loss of harmony for the whole family. One friend told me she let her husband handle all of the finances, and what a relief that was for her. Another one told me she tried never to criticize her husband, no matter how much he seemed to deserve it. I decided I would try to follow in these women's footsteps as an "experiment" in my marriage. I desperately wanted to save the relationship, and I also hoped to rescue my self-respect, which was fading with each episode of anger and frustration I unleashed on John. I ask this question because a friends daughter at the age of 25 has jut decided to become a surrendered wife, and she has two young children. Doyle, Laura (Feb 2006). Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand (2ed.). Simon & Schuster. ISBN 978-0743258623.Examine your complaints to see if you can re-frame them as qualities that you delight in. You'll soon remember what made you fall in love with your husband. I've noticed lots of women have trouble receiving compliments, and not just because we're trying to be modest. Many a wife has turned the finances over to her husband in just this way — as a temporary trial — and lived to say she wouldn't have it any other way. Just as fish are always the last to discover they are in the ocean, those of us who survive by trying to control things around us are often the last to recognize our behavior. We tell ourselves that we are trying to instruct, improve, help others, or do things efficiently -- never that we are so afraid of the unpredictable that we do everything in our power to ensure a certain outcome.
I did know that marriage was risky because I had watched my parents go through a brutal divorce. Still, I was hopeful that I could do better. I was amazed that my husband, John, could love me as much as he did, and part of me believed we could make our marriage work simply because it was born of so much goodness. For another thing, they don't talk as much as we do. That makes me the only one around here who goes on and on about how I feel. Thank goodness. Unfortunately, the reality of my control was dreary. Instead of having more romance, I had a distant husband. Instead of more money, I had a resentful husband. Instead of a cleaner house, I had wall-to-wall hostility. Having said that, a past extramarital affair does not automatically make your husband a chronic philanderer. It may have been his inappropriate reaction to years of emasculation and criticism from his wife. That doesn't make the affair your fault; it's still his responsibility to communicate with you and to keep his vows. However, your marriage can heal from this type of infidelity once you begin surrendering, if your husband is willing to recommit himself to monogamy.
They do seem completely bizarre at times, but there are some characteristics that are universally male that I'm very grateful for. At first our marriage was blissful. Then, I started to see John's imperfections more glaringly, and I began correcting him. It was my way of helping him to improve. From my point of view, if he would just be more ambitious at work, more romantic at home, and clean up after himself, everything would be fine. I told him as much. Doyle responds that many critics appear to have little knowledge of the principles described in the book and simply react to what they imagine the book says. When Janet took the high road of not engaging or criticizing her husband it left him with the stark reality of his own behavior. In that quiet space, he saw his own shortcomings and decided to apologize.
Ambrose Redmoon wrote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the decision that something else is more important than fear.” Just as it's not "dishonest" to go to work when you're not in the mood, it's not dishonest to treat your mate with respect when you don't feel like it. It's just a matter of keeping your commitment — in this case, a sacred one. Respect means that when he takes the wrong freeway exit youdon’t correct him by telling him where to turn. It means that if he keeps going in the wrong direction you will go past the state line and still not correct what he’s doing. In fact, no matter what your husband does, you will not try to teach, improve, or correct him. Often my desire to lash out at my husband is a cover for another problem. I'm tempted to blame him when I don't want to have to blame myself or the boss or my mother. Other times I'm just too depleted to have a reasonable perspective, and the tiniest things start to bug me more than usual. Now I know to look inward before I lash out. I may still be miserable once I find out what's really bothering me, but at least I won't have acted on a red herring -- and alienated my number one supporter in the meantime.a wife relinquishes control of her husband's life Well, I never controlled it in the first place, so I have nothing to relinquish Everyday, do three things that you enjoy doing just because they're pleasurable -- not because they are necessarily productive. They can be simple things, like walking barefoot on the grass, reading a trashy novel or taking a hot bath. Lying in the sun or talking to a girlfriend on the phone might make your list, or even watching your favorite TV show. Without that one significant act, you and your spouse are no different from roommates who share expenses and responsibilities around the house. If your sex life is currently non-existent, then you're in grave danger of becoming roommates instead of the lovers you set out to be. Fortunately, you can turn this situation around by taking the following steps:
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