My Child and Other Mistakes: The hilarious and heart-warming motherhood memoir from the comedy star

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And her voice was so clear throughout the book, never getting lost to ‘I am writing a book I must sound formal and knowledgeable’. It was authentic. Stand-up comic, broadcaster and actress Ellie Taylor is relatable, clever and interested in how women can have it all. Her honest, hilarious and moving account of the whys and hows of having a baby makes perfect reading for expectant mothers and fathers everywhere, as well as those who’ve been there, done that, and wonder how on earth they did. In the end we settled on a brand-new childcare centre that was big, bright and had cameras in every room, meaning I’d be able to watch Ratbag steal maracas from the mouths of other kids from the comfort of my own home. The ‘stuff’ sneaks up on you. It begins deceptively slowly – a harmless if garish playmat appears in front of the sofa. “That’s ok,” you think, “It’s just one item.” In fact, it’s a nice hint of ‘child’ in a room that otherwise screams ‘functional living space for two adults who like watching The West Wing’.

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We write off people’s experiences of having children, because it’s so commonplace. It absolutely happens thousands of times a day, and yet for each family, it is seismic. And that’s basically why I wanted to write the book, because I think it’s a story that does get sidelined. You go, ‘Oh Susan’s had a baby, let’s send her a basket of muffins’, but for her, the tectonic plates that her life is based on, have completely shifted. And so that is basically what the book is. It’s what I like to think of as the extraordinary ordinary story of the experience of becoming a parent.” The first day I left my daughter at nursery and she didn’t cry gave me a sense of elation that I imagine football fans experience when their team wins and they push over a tram to celebrate. I was beside myself. I couldn’t believe what I’d just witnessed – she had waved goodbye and then just walked in. Just walked in. That was it. Where was the quivering chin? Where were the wails of torment? Where were the pangs of guilt deep within my shattered soul? I rang my husband, ‘Darling! She didn’t cry! She must have forgiven us! She must like it!’ I shrieked, euphorically. ‘Great news!’ he said, ‘She’s finally learnt to internalise her unhappiness like the rest of us!’ The settling-in period was, I would say, pretty heartbreaking for everyone involved. All the parenting my husband and I had done up until that point was about making our daughter feel loved and safe. Nursery felt like the undoing of that. Chris asked the writer for examples of helpful lessons that she has learnt, which she has now passed on in her book, to which Ellie joked, “In a way, the book is completely unhelpful! You don’t get any useful tips from it! It’s not practical. You’re not going to learn how to safely serve a toddler a grape. There’s nothing like that, but I think what it will do is act like a companion perhaps to you, like a friend talking to you about it. It'll have lots of experiences, which you will go, ‘Oh my gosh, yes that happened, and yes, that’s awful!” When parents make choices for their child and are over-involved in their lives, children learn that they can’t trust themselves and grow up believing that others always know better. Part of being resilient is learning to become independent and to trust in our own abilities – whilst asking for help where appropriate.Just as John Lennon imagined a life with no possessions, I imagine a weekend without having to pause Sunday Brunch while I clean up another human’s faeces. Your ambition

My Child and Other Mistakes: The hilarious and heart-warming My Child and Other Mistakes: The hilarious and heart-warming

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for my advanced copy of this book in exchange for a review. I have no idea whether I’ll end my life being a mum of one or a mum of two, or perhaps a mum of one and then surprise twins, or maybe a mum of one and owner of new tits. But what I do know, is that the child I have has been worth all the mess, all the noise and all the destruction.

In this very funny book she writes candidly about her own personal experience exploring the decision to have a baby when she doesn't even like them, the importance of cheese during pregnancy, why she took hair straighteners to the labour ward, plus the apocalyptic newborn days, childcare, work and the inevitable impact on life and love and most importantly, her breasts. Women should not feel bad about having time apart from their children and having the audacity to enjoy it. When my child is at nursery, I end the day knowing I have worked hard, and she has done 20 activities she would never get to do at home. I don’t spend our time away from one another in lovelorn misery but rather I end the day with a bubbly Christmas Eve sense of excitement as I go to collect her. Sometimes I think I love her the most when I’m not with her. I have come to realise that I’m a better mother when I don’t have to mother all the time. Expanding on how tough having a newborn was, Ellie said, “I had quite a bleak time with it all. I think, probably now, I had a touch of the old postnatal depression. It’s so hard. You do a lot of baby classes and you learn how much a little six-week old should sleep, and how to swaddle a baby, but you don’t learn that, especially for a woman, it’s a massive mental, psychological, physical adjustment. You become a completely different person. I think trying to get used to that, with all the hormones flying around, and trying to work out how you now exist in this world, when this life has been lifted from you, is massive. I’m a fan of Ellie Taylor. When I watch her acting or her stand up I genuinely belly laugh at the things that she has to say so I was eager to read her memoir My Child and Other Mistakes because I knew that I would be entertained. Ellie Taylor did not let me down.

ways having a child destroys your life – in the nicest Five ways having a child destroys your life – in the nicest

My Child and Other Mistakes is the honest lowdown on Motherhood and all its grisly delights, asking the questions no one wants to admit to asking themselves - do I want a child? Do I have a favourite? Do I wish I hadn't had one and spent the money on a kitchen island instead? It was never preachy, never ‘everyone should be a mum’ or ‘I’m so brave because I am one’. It was always an understanding voice, offering silly anecdotes or helpful advice. But still there was earnestness. I’ll end with my favourite quote, which while written in a chapter about PPD, I think is very useful for anyone struggling to hear:My stomach is spongy and quivering, like a panna cotta that’s been out of the fridge for too long. My body has decided that it’s best if it keeps hold of some of the four stone I put on when pregnant, presumably for a rainy day. I think it’s had 20 Emmy nominations. It’s gone wild. It’s so funny. It’s got so much heart, as well. It’s so sweet. That’s all done, the second series starts tomorrow.” Also, you can catch Ellie on the upcoming new series of the smash hit Apple TV+ comedy, Ted Lasso. “What a show!” she enthused. Something you don’t think about, when you’re going to NCT, is that suddenly your relationship is totally different. I remember in the newborn days, something I hadn’t anticipated, I felt like I really missed my husband, because you become like ships in the night. You are on shift. One is on, one is trying to sleep. And I was like, ‘You're in the same room, but we barely ever talk,’ and that was really, really hard, that kind of adjustment.” Yes, having my daughter has made me less overtly self-obsessed, but that’s largely due to me being so busy nurturing the piece of myself that is within her. Children are a physical manifestation of the ambition of their mothers and fathers. They are our hopes and dreams. What I’m saying is, if my daughter doesn’t win an Oscar by the time she’s 18, I will expect a public-funded enquiry. Your body