My Grief Is Like the Ocean: A Story for Children Who Lost a Parent to Suicide

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When you have reasonable expectations of the grieving process and how you’ll react to your grief, you allow yourself the freedom to work through your pain and suffering at your own pace. Everyone grieves differently and will take as much or as little time as is necessary for healing. Although such a different loss, you have resonated with me do much. I lost my mum, very suddenly aged 18, completely alone, no siblings, an estranged father who created more heartache after she had passed. She was the purest love, all I had, and was taken away from me in an instance. My father convinced people I didn’t care about her, and left me with nobody to support me at the time I needed them most. 20 years on and I still miss her like yesterday. So many missed moments. Especially now, I have 2 children. I ask for a sign, but it doesn’t come. The grief is just part of me now, part of her memory. If only I could have told her just how much I loved her and just how amazing she was – not having her in my life all these years has left such a huge hole. The most impactful way I’ve found to overcome grief and move ahead is by learning the power of letting go.

Hey all, I recently joined this sub and try to comment on as many of the posts as I can that I feel I can help out a bit. I am dealing with my own grief as well, but I wanted to share some information I found some years ago, posted on reddit before I even knew what reddit was. It is really great advice, and I hope everyone gets a chance to read it. People expect you to have moved to a different stage if you they don’t see you for a period of time. They’re surprised when you’re not there. And I think a lot of people said, “We don’t know what to say.” And I would say, “That’s cool, because I don’t know what to say either.” And sometimes you don’t want to say anything except know that they’re there. it was just … It was confusing, really confusing.

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We received quite a few responses in the comments section of the article, Grief is Like..., and over 100 responses on Facebook. We've summarized a handful of the submissions below and we encourage you to visit the original posts to readthe entries in their entirety. Grief is like...

So, as I write this week’s blog, I’m feeling somewhat thoughtful. This is why I decided to share with you some quotes on grief. Full disclosure: this grief counselor shed a few tears on the computer screen as she wrote out the quotes. But you know what, I have to practice what grief counselors try so hard to instill in their clients: TEARS ARE NATURAL. IT’S VERY OKAY AND HEALTHY TO CRY. So, here are a few of the well-known quotes from authors, poets, and others. Margaret, your description of your grief resonates with me do much. I’ve been trying to describe it for many years, and you have just done that. Thank you for sharing your emotions. At the time of the accident, I was having a fairly successful life as a musician in Chicago, which had included a recent appearance on Star Search 84′with Ed McMahon and preparing to be included in the group’s major independent recording contract.Like the ocean, waves of grief come and go. At first it feels like the waves are crashing over your head, but then, eventually, the grief begins to recede. The grief will most likely rise again in some form or fashion, but enjoying the calm and being thankful for the times when grief isn’t too bad is an important part of the healing process. It’s easy to feel guilty for “being ok,” but it’s a positive thing when you make progress after a devastating loss or difficult experience. And everyone will experience the waves of grief in a different way.

As a Christian believer, I also remind myself that if I truly believe what I say I believe (and I do!), then Andrew is in a place we all long to be. He is praising a Heavenly Father every second of every day and experiencing no pain or suffering. I can’t even wrap my human brain around how wonderful his little life is now. As I try to imagine what he must be experiencing I know that my loss is his gain… and there is nothing devastating about that. As a mother, I would put the happiness of my children before my own happiness any day of the week. It sure is amazing that we’ve been given the greatest gift by our Savior, Jesus Christ. He made a way for us so we can spend an eternity in Heaven once we leave this earth, just like Andrew! Dying is nothing to fear. It can be the most wonderful experience of your life. It all depends on how you’ve lived.” ~ Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor even touched, but just felt in the heart.” Comparing your grief journey to others sets you up to have false expectations of what grief feels like. No two persons will ever grieve the same. The sooner you understand and embrace this concept, the faster you’ll get to work on healing from your loss. Share your grief experiences But the mountain path will call you many more times, and you will need to walk the path again, yet each time it will become easier.The key to surviving grief and the crashing waves, as they seem to wash over us continually, is the happy memory or memories we will carry of those lost, perhaps with lots of scars. Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” How we come out of our grief enables us to begin again with a renewed mind-body and spirit, feeling the purpose and the wonder of life itself. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Our response to anger can be healthy or unhealthy and can manifest itself in many ways. Here are just a few examples. Heatlhy Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” Anger is a very complex emotion. It presents itself physically, emotionally, and psychologically. We are taught about anger in our families of origin. Often it is an emotion that is tolerated or stifled to various degrees. As children, we model what we observe and are taught how to self-regulate anger. It might range from slight annoyance to rage. Anger is a reaction to pain, loss of control, or a perceived threat or injustice to our self or someone we care about. One’s reaction will differ based on the perception of the threat. Our reaction can frighten us as well as others. How may we feel and express anger? I have read it many times, and it always resonates with me. In the early stages of my grief, it would make me sadder, sometimes angrier. After a few months I felt let down by it’s truth. As if God, or life, or even my own husband could’ve prevented this painful life sentence I now have to carry forever.Waves of grief can make you feel like you’ve failed at healing, and they can threaten your emotional and psychological wellbeing if allowed. Those who have sufficient experience in dealing with grief understand that waves of emotion come and go, and that they’re not permanent. How to Deal With a Wave of Grief